By Jeff Andriesse
Rotowhine.com Editor
July 30, 2008
It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since we launched Rotowhine. It seems like just yesterday that Greg and I were churning out a crude 8-page pamphlet in the basement of an abandoned building using nothing but tree bark, spit and a belief that two men could change the world.
Our first readers - a family of chipmunks using our debut issue as a quick meal - served as sober reminders that we had to work even harder to make a name for ourselves. Buoyed when the chipmunks returned the next evening, we rolled up our sleeves and produced the second issue of our fledgling rag entitled, simply, “The Page You Are Currently Reading: How Does It Taste?” A week later we had purchased a typewriter. A week after that we realized we also needed paper. Within a month the chipmunks stopped eating Rotowhine and instead sold us a second-hand Smith-Corona Electric out of pity. After walking uphill both ways to the nearest Staples, we were laughed out of the Printer Cartridge section by a clatch of teenagers.
Daunted, we shuffled to the nearest saloon and bellied up to the bar. Weeping into our Meister Braus, we were sure that we were finished. Our Smith-Corona was a lemon. Nobody was buying, or eating for that matter, our underdog leaflet. We started to question ourselves.
Just then, as if summoned from God Himself, the bartender came over to us and cocked an eyebrow. “You boys look like you could use some advice,” he offered. We barely managed a nod between us.
“All we got in the trunk is a broken-down Smith-Corona and dashed dreams,” I mumbled, adding: “And we don’t even have a car. Just a trunk.”
Suddenly the barkeep glanced up at the 50″ flatscreen TV above and to his left. He slammed his fist on the bar.
“Dammit all!” the server bellowed. “I should have started Mussina this week!”
We perked up. “Go on, sir,” Greg yelped, almost uncontrollably.
“Nah, its just that…,” the bartender paused. “You boys ok? You look all-” And before he could finish his sentence Greg and I were sprinting from the establishment at speeds we didn’t know we had in us. Without saying a word, remembering it was 2007 and we each had high-speed internet access, we hopped on Greg’s iMac. Blog posts flowed from our fingertips at the rate of two or three per hour for the next several weeks, re-energizing our hopes. By January our blog was an unqualified success throughout the World Wide Web, earning universal praise and winning three web awards (”Whiniest Blog”, “Most Ridiculous Concept, Fantasy Sports” and “Tastiest”).
Since reaching those highs we’ve settled into quite a groove. We may go for weeks at a time without posting something, and years at a time without posting something useful, but our small, furry group of loyal readers counts on us to provide them with insight, humor and tears. And that’s reward enough for what we do.
Just because we now each employ enough servants to start a small nation and purchase Jaguars at the same rate we get haircuts doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten our roots. To those who have been with us from the beginning: Thank you, and I didn’t realize the life expectancy of your species was so long. To all the new readers we’ve picked up along the way: Thank you too, for your interest, patience and feedback. I can’t say if Rotowhine will be here in a year. I can’t even promise we’ll be here in a month. All I can say is: We appreciate your readership. It’s been a whiny ride.
Jeff Andriesse is the editor of Rotowhine and author of award-seeking column The Complaint Desk. If you have seen his meds, please drop him a line immediately at jandriesse@rotowhine.com.
