By Jeff Andriesse and Greg Fox
Sept. 3, 2008
The 2008 Big Daddy League draft had it all - an auto-pick malfunction, several on-line neophytes showing up late and, thankfully, Uncle Vito. Jeff and Greg couldn’t have asked for anything more… literally. The draft took nearly four hours because there wasn’t a time limit between picks. But at the end of the ordeal we had a 12-team league that, with any luck, will feature more people who can figure out how to log on to the league web site than not.
With all of its flaws, the Big Daddy league is still near and dear to our hearts. That’s why we’re going to withhold last names to protect the innocent and mercilessly skewer everyone’s picks but our own. Our other goal will be to provide some possible insight into the upcoming season and to the draft process. Pull up a chair and enjoy.
THE BIG DADDY LEAGUE DRAFT
Parameters: 12 teams; Start 1 QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, 1 TE, 1 RB/WR/TE, 1 K, 1 Head Coach; All TDs = 6 points; 5-14 yards rushing or receiving = 1 point and so on; 1 extra point for field goals 40-49 yards; 2 extra points for field goals 50 yards and higher; 3 points for a head coaching victory, -1 points for a loss; 21 rounds.
Draft Order: 1. Potsdam Express - Scotty; 2 - RomoCop - Chris; 3. Killer B’s - Andy; 4. Keith Closs Dynasty - Dan; 5. Uncle Vito - Vito; 6. Chicken Teriyaki Boy - Jeff A.; 7. Brooklyn Babosies - Michelle; 8. Unhappy Hairstons - Greg; 9. Subpoenas Envy - Stephen; 10. Jeff Junior - Jeff M.; 11. Maynard’s Minions - Vincent; 12. Haworth Woodmen - Mike, or “Wood” (don’t ask, we can’t even explain it).
ROUND 1
1 Tomlinson, LaDainian SDG RB Potsdam Express
2 Peterson, Adrian MIN RB RomoCop
3 Addai, Joseph IND RB Killer B’s
4 Westbrook, Brian PHI RB Keith Closs Dynasty
5 Brady, Tom NWE QB Uncle Vito
6 Barber, Marion DAL RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
7 Lynch, Marshawn BUF RB Brooklyn Babosies
8 Jackson, Steven STL RB Unhappy Hairstons
9 Portis, Clinton WAS RB Subpoenas Envy
10 Moss, Randy NWE WR Jeff Junior
11 Gore, Frank SFO RB Maynard’s Minions
12 Manning, Peyton IND QB Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Everything is going to plan until, well, my pick when I took Marion Barber 6th. Greg also wanted him. I’m sure we were the only two who would take him that high. I think Barber could end up with 15 TDs this year or more, and I don’t trust Steven Jackson. When, surprisingly, Michelle took Marshawn Lynch with the seventh pick, Greg was stuck with Jackson. Jackson was the one guy I hoped someone else would pick in the first round.
Greg: It took a little longer than I expected for my season to fall in line with my plumbing. I would have been satisfied with any of the top seven picks, but as league Schleprock, I was stuck with Steven Jackson at #8. This is the same Jackson who killed me in the Cha League last year. Peterson was the guy I really wanted, but in retrospect, I should have corralled Joe Flacco with this pick. Somehow, a guy who had 50 touchdown passes went behind Westbrook, who not only doesn’t get goal line carries, but also kneels at the one-yard line with the game out of reach and no one in sight. Ok, maybe I’m still a little bitter.
ROUND 2
13 Johnson, Larry KAN RB Haworth Woodmen
14 Owens, Terrell DAL WR Maynard’s Minions
15 Romo, Tony DAL QB Jeff Junior
16 McGahee, Willis BAL RB Subpoenas Envy
17 Wayne, Reggie IND WR Unhappy Hairstons
18 Jacobs, Brandon NYG RB Brooklyn Babosies
19 Grant, Ryan GNB RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
20 Parker, Willie PIT RB Uncle Vito
21 Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB Keith Closs Dynasty
22 McFadden, Darren OAK RB Killer B’s
23 Maroney, Laurence NWE RB RomoCop
24 Lewis, Jamal CLE RB Potsdam Express
Jeff: Johnson and McGahee I wouldn’t have taken while being waterboarded. Jeff Junior obviously likes Romo to take him 15th overall. I wanted Wayne, and lo and behold (or maybe just lo) Greg nabbed him. I was happy to get Ryan Grant and feel there is no way Brandon Jacobs should have gone in the Top 20. Somehow he’ll be way better than Grant. Andy surprised us with McFadden that high.
Greg: My eyes lit up when Subpoenas Envy grabbed that pencil-neck geek McGahee 16th. I’ve been talking up Ryan Grant like it’s my job, but all I’ve been hearing out of Packer camp is that he’ll have less than 300 carries this season. That was enough for me to take the safe route and go with Wayne. A pair of backup running backs went 21st and 22nd and you know that the injury-prone Brandon Jacobs won’t get as much as a mosquito bite this year as a member of the Babosies.
ROUND 3
25 Edwards, Braylon CLE WR Potsdam Express
26 Colston, Marques NOR WR RomoCop
27 Brees, Drew NOR QB Killer B’s
28 Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR Keith Closs Dynasty
29 Johnson, Andre HOU WR Uncle Vito
30 Turner, Michael ATL RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
31 Houshmandzadeh, T.J. CIN WR Brooklyn Babosies
32 Palmer, Carson CIN QB Unhappy Hairstons
33 Holt, Torry STL WR Subpoenas Envy
34 Jones, Thomas NYJ RB Jeff Junior
35 Marshall, Brandon DEN WR Maynard’s Minions
36 Bush, Reggie NOR RB Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: All I wanted was one of those top five guys in this round. Instead I was left panicking and taking Michael Turner, figuring three starting RBs in the first three rounds will give me a leg up on teams in a league this large that starts a flex player. I really can’t quibble with any of the picks in this round, although I might have waited on a Thomas Jones.
Greg: I don’t know why I’m so enamored with Palmer. He is talented, but I could have taken Earnest Graham or Brandon Marshall and then grab Ben Roethlisberger a few rounds later. If Jeff would just lower his leg for a minute he would see that he is in terrific shape with three potentially solid RBs. Turner is built like The Thing, and if he gets 20 carries a game, he will be out of control.
ROUND 4
37 Brown, Ronnie MIA RB Haworth Woodmen
38 Graham, Earnest TAM RB Maynard’s Minions
39 Holmes, Santonio PIT WR Jeff Junior
40 Smith, Steve CAR WR Subpoenas Envy
41 Perry, Chris CIN RB Unhappy Hairstons
42 Cutler, Jay DEN QB Brooklyn Babosies
43 Welker, Wes NWE WR Chicken Teriyaki Boy
44 Norwood, Jerious ATL RB Uncle Vito
45 McNabb, Donovan PHI QB Keith Closs Dynasty
46 White, LenDale TEN RB Killer B’s
47 Witten, Jason DAL TE RomoCop
48 Johnson, Chad CIN WR Potsdam Express
Jeff: Welker, Burress or Chad Johnson? I guess I like Welker more than the other two, but that changes day to day. Today I think I should have taken Johnson. Wood made the draft’s first blunder by selecting Ronnie Brown with the 37th pick. At around the same time, Chris left the draft and set his auto-pilot up without telling us. The computer, obviously thrown for a loop by Uncle Vito nabbing Jerious Norwood in the fourth round, decided to give Chris two straight tight ends. The words I used in the chat room when this happened can’t be repeated within a 20-mile radius of anyone who has ever stepped foot in a building of worship.
Greg: Wood never ceases to amaze as he takes a backup running back coming off ACL surgery at #37. Though that selection is ingenius compared to Uncle Vito jumping on Jerious Norwood at 44. I was feeling real good about Chris Perry at 41 until Jeff burst my bubble after the draft, saying he thinks Perry and Kenny Watson will split carries. Can I ever get through a draft, even an online one, without being on the phone with a league member for three hours of it? As Chris said arivederci following his selection of Witten, Scotty absorbed Potsdam Express staple Ocho Cinco to close out the round.
ROUND 5
49 Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB Potsdam Express
50 Gates, Antonio SDG TE RomoCop
51 Burress, Plaxico NYG WR Killer B’s
52 Winslow, Kellen CLE TE Keith Closs Dynasty
53 Forte, Matt CHI RB Uncle Vito
54 Boldin, Anquan ARI WR Chicken Teriyaki Boy
55 Gonzalez, Tony KAN TE Brooklyn Babosies
56 Young, Selvin DEN RB Unhappy Hairstons
57 Anderson, Derek CLE QB Subpoenas Envy
58 Taylor, Fred JAC RB Jeff Junior
59 Johnson, Calvin DET WR Maynard’s Minions
60 Ward, Hines PIT WR Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Scotty screwed me with Roethlisberger so I kept going with wide receivers. Selvin Young is the right choice here for Greg. He’s a guy I almost pulled the trigger on as early as the fourth. Jeff Junior’s affection for aging running backs is buoyed by a Fred Taylor pick. I’ll give Vito credit for securing a starting RB of Matt Forte’s caliber this late.
Greg: At this point, it becomes clear that the online drafting experience ranks with watching the Yule Log for sheer exuberance. This is amplified by Antonio Gates and Plaxico Burress going at 50 and 51 respectively, two Uncle Vito alums whom he called Ben Gates and Plaxio Burgess at last year’s in-person spectacle. Jeff Jr. was obviously in the midst of a nostalgic period in his life as he took his second 30-something RB. Wood grabbed Hines Ward way too early, but I can almost guarantee that it will pay off for him.
ROUND 6
61 Harrison, Marvin IND WR Haworth Woodmen
62 Jennings, Greg GNB WR Maynard’s Minions
63 James, Edgerrin ARI RB Jeff Junior
64 Chambers, Chris SDG WR Subpoenas Envy
65 Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB Unhappy Hairstons
66 Cotchery, Jerricho NYJ WR Brooklyn Babosies
67 Williams, Roy DET WR Chicken Teriyaki Boy
68 Coles, Laveranues NYJ WR Uncle Vito
69 Evans, Lee BUF WR Keith Closs Dynasty
70 Crayton, Patrick DAL WR Killer B’s
71 White, Roddy ATL WR RomoCop
72 Shockey, Jeremy NOR TE Potsdam Express
Jeff: Michelle stymies me yet again with Cotchery. My eyes glazing over at this point, I take Roy Williams and start speaking in tongues. Lots of receivers off the board in this round. Edgerrin James joins Jeff Junior, Taylor and Thomas Jones to form a formidable shuffleboard team.
Greg: By taking Marvin Harrison, Wood’s plan is becoming clear. He will again quit the league, have me put in his lineup, and then reel off 10 consecutive undefeated weeks en route to a championship game appearance. Undeterred, Jeff Jr. continues to comb assisted living residences for running backs. Did Patrick Crayton really go at #70? Is that really the correct way to spell Laveranues? I was actually psyched to get DeAngelo Williams in this round.
ROUND 7
73 Williams, Ricky MIA RB Potsdam Express
74 Warner, Kurt ARI QB RomoCop
75 Clark, Dallas IND TE Killer B’s
76 Morris, Maurice SEA RB Keith Closs Dynasty
77 Moss, Santana WAS WR Uncle Vito
78 Cooley, Chris WAS TE Chicken Teriyaki Boy
79 Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB Brooklyn Babosies
80 Smith, Kevin DET RB Unhappy Hairstons
81 McAllister, Deuce NOR RB Subpoenas Envy
82 Johnson, Chris TEN RB Jeff Junior
83 Jones, Julius SEA RB Maynard’s Minions
84 Jones, Felix DAL RB Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Ricky Williams was a huge get this late for Potsdam. I thought for sure Williams would go higher (rim shot). Stephen fulfilled his 10-year contractual obligation and drafted Deuce McAllister. Only three more years to go on that one. If Deuce is still in the league by Week 10 I’ll be surprised. Cooley is this year’s Witten of last year, or something.
Greg: My excitement for D. Williams was short-lived as Michelle inexplicably chose handcuff Jonathan Stewart at 79. Is she kidding me? That’s like taking Maurice Morris this round. Jeff can make fun of the Deuce pick all he wants, but how can you not admire a double amputee at running back? Can somebody please order a virtual pizza? I swear at this point I couldn’t see straight.
ROUND 8
85 Bulger, Marc STL QB Haworth Woodmen
86 Favre, Brett NYJ QB Maynard’s Minions
87 Bowe, Dwayne KAN WR Jeff Junior
88 Manning, Eli NYG QB Subpoenas Envy
89 Heap, Todd BAL TE Unhappy Hairstons
90 Galloway, Joey TAM WR Brooklyn Babosies
91 Hasselbeck, Matt SEA QB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
92 Schaub, Matt HOU QB Uncle Vito
93 Berrian, Bernard MIN WR Keith Closs Dynasty
94 Gonzalez, Anthony IND WR Killer B’s
95 Watson, Kenny CIN RB RomoCop
96 Rice, Ray BAL RB Potsdam Express
Jeff: As I pray for Favre to fall to me, it takes only one pick in the eighth to realize there’s no God. The last QB I wanted was Hasselbeck. I got all I could get out of him last year. Watson and Rice were nice picks, I was eyeing them for the next round.
Greg: With no food in my system and one more Pepsi away from a sugar coma I took Todd Heap, the best tight end left on the board. I’m looking for double-digit catches out of him this season. I chuckled three years ago when Jeff took a 47-year old Galloway, but in 2008 I chuckle no more. For the second time in three rounds one of my handcuffs was selected as Kenny Watson went to Chris. This is the guy I’m doing an unbelievable favor for by allowing him to call me with his picks. He was more than satisfied auto-picking, and he returns the favor by pulling the Persian rug out from under me.
ROUND 9
97 Burleson, Nate SEA WR Potsdam Express
98 Mason, Derrick BAL WR RomoCop
99 Betts, Ladell WAS RB Killer B’s
100 Rivers, Philip SDG QB Keith Closs Dynasty
101 Davis, Vernon SFO TE Uncle Vito
102 Taylor, Chester MIN RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
103 Johnson, Rudi DET RB Brooklyn Babosies
104 Driver, Donald GNB WR Unhappy Hairstons
105 Daniels, Owen HOU TE Subpoenas Envy
106 Fargas, Justin OAK RB Jeff Junior
107 Jackson, DeSean PHI WR Maynard’s Minions
108 Miller, Heath PIT TE Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: I’m not sure what Chester Taylor was doing on the board this late, so I took him. What the hay. Donald Driver has a wardrobe full of Unhappy Hairston jerseys dating back to the late ’90s.
Greg: I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there went Michelle taking another one of my handcuffs as new Detroit Lion Rudi Johnson went at 103. Yesterday, she claimed she saw the Rudi transaction on the ticker during the draft. My question is: who on earth pays attention to the sports ticker, unless of course they are an addicted gambler? I’ll be reeling from this for the next 12 rounds. I have to remember to ask Vincent who DeSean Jackson is.
ROUND 10
109 Jackson, Vincent SDG WR Haworth Woodmen
110 Mendenhall, Rashard PIT RB Maynard’s Minions
111 Ginn Jr., Ted MIA WR Jeff Junior
112 Green, Ahman HOU RB Subpoenas Envy
113 Bradshaw, Ahmad NYG RB Unhappy Hairstons
114 Garrard, David JAC QB Brooklyn Babosies
115 Slaton, Steve HOU RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
116 Toomer, Amani NYG WR Uncle Vito
117 Washington, Leon NYJ RB Keith Closs Dynasty
118 Gage, Justin TEN WR Killer B’s
119 Young, Vince TEN QB RomoCop
120 Scheffler, Tony DEN TE Potsdam Express
Jeff: I’m screwed again as Michelle takes David Garrard right when I have him queued. Toomer and Gage should not be on fantasy football teams this year. The words “Young” and “Vince” near each other, even within a paragraph or two apart, cause me to break out into hives.
Greg: I really wanted Vincent Jackson later in the draft, but Wood took him with the first pick of the 10th round. To retaliate, I grabbed one of the 10 best running backs in the league in Ahmad Bradhsaw. If only he weren’t third string. I also had Vince Young in one of my leagues last year. There’s plenty of Benadryl for everyone.
ROUND 11
121 Rodgers, Aaron GNB QB Potsdam Express
122 Rice, Sidney MIN WR RomoCop
123 Morris, Sammy NWE RB Killer B’s
124 Curtis, Kevin PHI WR Keith Closs Dynasty
125 Dunn, Warrick TAM RB Uncle Vito
126 Delhomme, Jake CAR QB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
127 Folk, Nick DAL K Brooklyn Babosies
128 Stallworth, Donte’ CLE WR Unhappy Hairstons
129 Foster, DeShaun SFO RB Subpoenas Envy
130 Crumpler, Alge TEN TE Jeff Junior
131 Kitna, Jon DET QB Maynard’s Minions
132 Henry, Chris CIN WR Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: The person who kept stealing my picks takes a kicker in the 11th round. Vito takes Warrick Dunn, who I believe went to college with him.
Greg: Three Uncle Vito staples - Warrick Dunn, DeShaun Foster and Alge Crumpler - went in the 11th round… I hope he’s ok with this. Jeff broke my heart by taking Jake Delhomme, the man I had penciled in as my backup QB. It bothers me to have Donte Stallworth on my squad, but Scotty insists that the Browns are for real.
ROUND 12
133 Gostkowski, Stephen NWE K Haworth Woodmen
134 Rhodes, Dominic IND RB Maynard’s Minions
135 Brown, Reggie PHI WR Jeff Junior
136 Porter, Jerry JAC WR Subpoenas Envy
137 Belichick, Bill NWE HC Unhappy Hairstons
138 Bruce, Isaac SFO WR Brooklyn Babosies
139 Hardy, James BUF WR Chicken Teriyaki Boy
140 Bironas, Rob TEN K Uncle Vito
141 Kaeding, Nate SDG K Keith Closs Dynasty
142 Hightower, Tim ARI RB Killer B’s
143 Vinatieri, Adam IND K RomoCop
144 Curry, Ronald OAK WR Potsdam Express
Jeff: Four kickers in this round, meaning the league has already lost enthusiasm for much of what’s left on the board. Nobody is handcuffing their RBs in this draft for whatever reason. In that vein, Tim Hightower shouldn’t have lasted this long. Jeff Junior took James early and neglected Hightower at his own peril.
Greg: I’m such a groundbreaker, I couldn’t resist being the first to take a coach and dirty sweatshirt it is. Kickers went flying off the board this round and I also like Andy’s pick of Hightower. Jeff Jr., owner of the fraudulent Edgerrin James, should have tapped Hightower a few rounds earlier. Uh oh, Jeff took James Hardy. That’s a name I can definitely envision doing sick things in boxscores.
ROUND 13
145 Dawson, Phil CLE K Potsdam Express
146 Turner, Norv SDG HC RomoCop
147 Campbell, Jason WAS QB Killer B’s
148 Phillips, Wade DAL HC Keith Closs Dynasty
149 Coughlin, Tom NYG HC Uncle Vito
150 Dungy, Tony IND HC Chicken Teriyaki Boy
151 Payton, Sean NOR HC Brooklyn Babosies
152 Utecht, Ben CIN TE Unhappy Hairstons
153 Walter, Kevin HOU WR Subpoenas Envy
154 Graham, Shayne CIN K Jeff Junior
155 Olsen, Greg CHI TE Maynard’s Minions
156 McMichael, Randy STL TE Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Are we the only league in the country that plays with head coaches? Email us, we want to hear your stories. Kevin Walter is one of my sleepers.
Greg: The shovel of crapola continued into round 13 as the likes of Wade Phillips, Ben Utecht and Randy McMichael went off the board. Is that the best Wood could do at tight end? McMichael? He stopped being relevant during the Clayton/Super Duper era in Miami.
ROUND 14
157 Smith, Kolby KAN RB Haworth Woodmen
158 Walker, Javon OAK WR Maynard’s Minions
159 Taylor, Chris HOU RB Jeff Junior
160 Brown, Josh STL K Subpoenas Envy
161 Gaffney, Jabar NWE WR Unhappy Hairstons
162 Lee, Donald GNB TE Brooklyn Babosies
163 Watson, Benjamin NWE TE Chicken Teriyaki Boy
164 Russell, JaMarcus OAK QB Uncle Vito
165 Smith, L.J. PHI TE Keith Closs Dynasty
166 Keller, Dustin NYJ TE Killer B’s
167 Edwards, Trent BUF QB RomoCop
168 Hester, Jacob SDG RB Potsdam Express
Jeff: I’m unhappy after the Hairstons snatch Jabar Gaffney from under my snout. Perhaps Watson will act as the Pats’ third receiver in terms of yards and TDs. Good job by the Minions - might as well take a flier on Javon Walker at this point. You can nail it up to lamp posts and stuff.
Greg: Jeff Jr. with a furious rally on the far outside by picking Chris Taylor, the probable starter for the Texans, and the youngest RB on his roster by 12 years in round 14. I wonder if this Dustin Keller character will be any good. Do you think any of his teammates call him Dusty? Nice job by Scotty who grabbed probable LDT backup Jacob Hester, but what about…
ROUND 15
169 Sproles, Darren SDG RB Potsdam Express
170 Bell, Tatum DET RB RomoCop
171 Crosby, Mason GNB K Killer B’s
172 Reid, Andy PHI HC Keith Closs Dynasty
173 Jordan, LaMont NWE RB Uncle Vito
174 Hester, Devin CHI WR Chicken Teriyaki Boy
175 Thomas, Pierre NOR RB Brooklyn Babosies
176 Orton, Kyle CHI QB Unhappy Hairstons
177 Rackers, Neil ARI K Subpoenas Envy
178 Tomlin, Mike PIT HC Jeff Junior
179 Pope, Leonard ARI TE Maynard’s Minions
180 Holmgren, Mike SEA HC Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: I hate to keep heaping faint praise on Michelle, but Pierre Thomas is a good pick here. Vito takes LaMont Jordan and buys two tickets to see Titanic this weekend.
Greg: …pocket rocket Darren Sproles, who I’ve secretly had a non-sexual crush on since last season? Never fear as the ruthless Potsdam Express owner gobbled up LDT’s other backup with his next pick. What would a fantasy football draft be without Uncle Vito taking Lamont Jordan? Still on the phone, Chris selected Tatum Bell, released by the Lions days before our draft.
ROUND 16
181 Jenkins, Michael ATL WR Haworth Woodmen
182 Pennington, Chad MIA QB Maynard’s Minions
183 Childress, Brad MIN HC Jeff Junior
184 Del Rio, Jack JAC HC Subpoenas Envy
185 Torain, Ryan DEN RB Unhappy Hairstons
186 Smith, Steve NYG WR Brooklyn Babosies
187 Jones, Kevin CHI RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
188 Boss, Kevin NYG TE Uncle Vito
189 Garcia, Jeff TAM QB Keith Closs Dynasty
190 Zorn, Jim WAS HC Killer B’s
191 Johnson, Bryant SFO WR RomoCop
192 Royal, Eddie DEN WR Potsdam Express
Jeff: Childress or Del Rio? They’re debating it in bars all over the nation. Ok, not really. About three hours into the draft at this point, I settle for Kevin Jones after trying and failing to select a Monster Energy Drink with this pick.
Greg: I’m actually tickled about Ryan Torain at 185. I give it about three weeks before I release him and about six before he supplants Selvin Young as the Broncos’ starting back. Wood made another curious selection by taking Michael Jenkins and I think Kevin Jones could help Chicken Teriyaki Boy at some point. Is that an optical illusion or did Jim Zorn get taken by Andy? Is Steve Largent next?
ROUND 17
193 Crennel, Romeo CLE HC Potsdam Express
194 Alexander, Shaun SEA RB RomoCop
195 Booker, Marty CHI WR Killer B’s
196 Croyle, Brodie KAN QB Keith Closs Dynasty
197 Williams, Reggie JAC WR Uncle Vito
198 Reed, Jeff PIT K Chicken Teriyaki Boy
199 Scobee, Josh JAC K Brooklyn Babosies
200 Ryan, Matt ATL QB Unhappy Hairstons
201 Miller, Zach OAK TE Subpoenas Envy
202 Lewis, Marcedes JAC TE Jeff Junior
203 Gould, Robbie CHI K Maynard’s Minions
204 Hagan, Derek MIA WR Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Reggie Williams is toxic this preseason, but isn’t he always great?
Greg: Williams hasn’t been the same since he retired from the NBA. Marty Booker went to Andy in this round. He’s one of those guys who has been in the league since the salad days of Dieter Brock, but I think he just celebrated his 30th birthday.
ROUND 18
205 Hanson, Jason DET K Haworth Woodmen
206 McCarthy, Mike GNB HC Maynard’s Minions
207 O’Sullivan, J.T. SFO QB Jeff Junior
208 Shanahan, Mike DEN HC Subpoenas Envy
209 Nugent, Mike NYJ K Unhappy Hairstons
210 Randle El, Antwaan WAS WR Brooklyn Babosies
211 Jackson, Tarvaris MIN QB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
212 Akers, David PHI K Uncle Vito
213 Engram, Bobby SEA WR Keith Closs Dynasty
214 Fisher, Jeff TEN HC Killer B’s
215 Kasay, John CAR K RomoCop
216 Longwell, Ryan MIN K Potsdam Express
Jeff: After McCarthy, O’Sullivan and Shanahan go back-to-back-to-back, I chug a bottle of Jameson’s. When I awake from my stupor I realize there are still three more rounds and purposely knock myself back out.
Greg: At this point, I feel like I’m in the midst of a Twilight Zone episode in which the angel of death, disguised as Martin Gramatica (pronounced Mart-een), comes to my home and convinces me to draft his brother, Bill (pronounced Bill). As the sign posts up ahead, my next stop, Bellevue.
ROUND 19
217 Rosenfels, Sage HOU QB Potsdam Express
218 Mangini, Eric NYJ HC RomoCop
219 Patten, David NOR WR Killer B’s
220 Carlson, John SEA TE Keith Closs Dynasty
221 Gruden, Jon TAM HC Uncle Vito
222 Fox, John CAR HC Chicken Teriyaki Boy
223 Smith, Lovie CHI HC Brooklyn Babosies
224 Brown, Kris HOU K Unhappy Hairstons
225 Flacco, Joe BAL QB Subpoenas Envy
226 Stover, Matt BAL K Jeff Junior
227 Battle, Arnaz SFO WR Maynard’s Minions
228 Ware, Danny NYG RB Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: For some reason we decide to set a roster minimum of three quarterbacks, meaning Sage Rosenfels is off the board.
Greg: You know owners are getting punchy when three players nobody has ever heard of - Joe Flacco, John Carlson and Danny Ware - get picked in the same round. For some reason, I just love the name Joe Flacco… I don’t even know why.
ROUND 20
229 Ward, Derrick NYG RB Haworth Woodmen
230 Suisham, Shaun WAS K Maynard’s Minions
231 Quinn, Brady CLE QB Jeff Junior
232 Leonard, Brian STL RB Subpoenas Envy
233 Bennett, Drew STL WR Unhappy Hairstons
234 Peterson, Adrian CHI RB Brooklyn Babosies
235 Jackson, Brandon GNB RB Chicken Teriyaki Boy
236 Stecker, Aaron NOR RB Uncle Vito
237 Hackett, D.J. CAR WR Keith Closs Dynasty
238 Tynes, Lawrence NYG K Killer B’s
239 Duckett, T.J. SEA RB RomoCop
240 Jones, James GNB WR Potsdam Express
Jeff: Wood takes two Giant running backs, neither of whom is the primary backup. D.J. Hackett and T.J. Duckett aren’t really different people, are they?
Greg: Wood follows up his choice of the Giants’ fifth string running back in the 19th round with their third string back in the 20th. Chris reminds me that T.J. Duckett is still in the league and I remind myself that Drew Bennett was once the next Ed McCaffrey.
ROUND 21
241 Jauron, Dick BUF HC Potsdam Express
242 Meachem, Robert NOR WR RomoCop
243 Sorgi, Jim IND QB Killer B’s
244 Leinart, Matt ARI QB Keith Closs Dynasty
245 McDonald, Shaun DET WR Uncle Vito
246 Bryant, Matt TAM K Chicken Teriyaki Boy
247 Smith, Alex SFO QB Brooklyn Babosies
248 Lewis, Marvin CIN HC Unhappy Hairstons
249 Nelson, Jordy GNB WR Subpoenas Envy
250 Jackson, Darrell DEN WR Jeff Junior
251 Whisenhunt, Ken ARI HC Maynard’s Minions
252 Marinelli, Rod DET HC Haworth Woodmen
Jeff: Finally, it’s over. Rod Marinelli is Mr. Irrelevant. Matt Leinart is drafted in a league for the first time in weeks. Jordy Nelson was picked 249th overall to coincide with his ’80s group New Kids on the Block releasing a comeback album.
Greg: I’m giggling like a schoolgirl over the name Jordy Nelson. With that name he has to be one tough customer. Two years ago, Darrell Jackson was a fourth-rounder… In this draft he went 250th to Jeff Jr. When it was finally over, I dropped to me knees, genuflected a la Mark Bavaro, and smashed my computer over my own head.
Jeff and Greg are far more likely to finish 9th and 10th, respectively, in the Big Daddy league despite each thinking the other had the best draft. Having the best fantasy football draft in your league is like buying a house from the city’s best loan shark. We’re all gonna need a government bailout after this disaster.
