We’re barely into the NBA season, and I’ve compiled a master list of things that could only happen to me:

1. The Suns offense will be terrible after I took Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash with my first two picks in one league.

2. With both Kevin Martin and Francisco Garcia injured, John Salmons is merely average after being amazing last season when both were healthy.

3. Jason Richardson, my fourth-round pick (a steal?) is much worse than last year, and recently had exploratory knee surgery without warning which determined he had nothing wrong with him.

4. I flip a coin and pick up Erick Dampier over Luc Richard Mbah a Moute hours before Mbah a Moute goes for 19 and 17 against Memphis. Dampier played three minutes in an overtime game vs. the Knicks Sunday.

5. After spraining his foot in the first quarter of the first game of the year, my No. 2 center, Greg Oden, will come off the bench the rest of the year and average 22 minutes a game.

6. Tony Allen averaged 1.0 point per game this past week, a four-game week for the Celtics. He also had zero steals. I started him over Caron Butler. In the game before I had him in my lineup he had 23 points.

7. I’m leading the free world not only in injuries, but in Random Games Missed With No Warning.

Every day of basketball so far has been the equivalent of a football Sunday. Yes, it’s been that bad.